Ilona L. Tobin, Ed.D.

Licensed Psychologist

Archive for the ‘Setting Goals’ Category

Much like a computer responds to commands, your brain can be programmed to accept any changes you might want to make in your life. However, many of your current behaviors stem from unconstructive programming you received as a child that may stand in the way of change.

Dr. Maxwell Maltz, in his book Psycho-Cybernetics, published in 1960, says, “Beliefs about ourselves have unconsciously been formed from our past experiences … especially in early childhood.” So keep in mind, when you want to change a particular habit or belief, that the unwanted behavior was built on patterns developed over time. Read the rest of this entry »

Too often we take care of other people’s needs, shunning activities that have the most meaning for us. Here are 10 ways to take back your life.

  1. Create goals. Get clear on what you really want, write it down and start to take action toward your goals.
  2. Commit to your own agenda. As much as possible, before helping others each day, complete the tasks that move you toward your goals.
  3. Set boundaries. When you heed your own agenda, you will likely need to set boundaries with the people in your life.
  4. Say no when you want to. Respecting your true desires is liberating.
  5. Do something you’ve always wanted to do. Fulfilling long-held wishes brings joy and empowerment.
  6. Seek balance. Which of these aspects need attention: social/family, spiritual/creative, career or health?
  7. Eat well and exercise. Take charge of your energy by treating your body well.
  8. Clear clutter. Creating an orderly and beautiful physical environment positively affects our sense of internal order and makes space for the new.
  9. Pursue completion. Avoiding unfinished tasks, things that remain unsaid and relationships that need closure, hijacks our thoughts and saps our energy.
  10. Get support/find allies. Get help processing uncomfortable feelings and seek friendships with people who appreciate and support your taking charge of your life

The turning of a year turns our thoughts to how we might improve upon the year that’s receding. Here are 10 suggestions for things to change in 2011.

  1. Fear of making a mistake. Face it, you will. Do your best and no one can fault you.
  2. Jumping to conclusions. Think situations through before rendering judgment. Consider whether you know all of the facts.
  3. Trying to please everyone. It’s just not possible, and the effort usually makes YOU displeased.
  4. Read the rest of this entry »

DOWNLOAD THIS ARTICLE AND MORE AS A PDF FILE by clicking this link: Winter Newsletter, 2009

New Year’s Resolutions: How To Make Them So You Can Keep Them

For the past four years, Betty has made a New Year’s Resolution to exercise more. She’s also vowed to lose weight (an annual resolution since 2000), and to finally start that novel (this one goes all the way back to 1995.)

Like two out of every five Americans, Betty begins every new year with stout resolve and good intentions. But like most who make New Year’s Resolutions, by the time the spring fashions hit the shop windows, all that resolve has gone the way of last year’s colors. No exercise program. No weight loss and, sadly, no novel. Not even a beginning chapter.

What goes wrong?

Betty’s problem and the difficulty most people face in keeping their resolutions is that changing behavior involves more than simply vowing to do so. A lot more. So, whether you want to do more or less of something, quit something altogether or start something new, here are a few tips that can help.
Read the rest of this entry »