{"id":125,"date":"2010-10-29T12:41:40","date_gmt":"2010-10-29T17:41:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.drilonatobin.com\/?p=125"},"modified":"2010-10-29T12:41:40","modified_gmt":"2010-10-29T17:41:40","slug":"fall-newsletter-2010","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.drilonatobin.com\/index.php\/2010\/10\/29\/fall-newsletter-2010\/","title":{"rendered":"Fall Newsletter, 2010"},"content":{"rendered":"

DOWNLOAD THIS ARTICLE AND MORE AS A PDF FILE by clicking this link: Fall Newsletter 2010<\/a><\/p>\n

\n

There are no classes in life for beginners,\u201d wrote poet Rainer Maria Rilke. \u201cRight away you are always asked to deal with what is most difficult.\u201d<\/p>\n

Saying the hard thing can be one of the most difficult things we ever do. And for many of us, just thinking about doing it can cause worry, fear and stress. The good news is that getting these conversations right has more to do with planning and practice than saying \u201cjust the right thing.\u201d And when we dare to broach these hard topics with other people, there are often hidden rewards.
\n<\/p>\n

The Benefits of Speaking Up<\/h3>\n

Difficult conversations have the power to get you what you really want from life. They can clear the air between you and someone else. And they can give your self-esteem a real boost.
\nRevealing how you really feel and what you really want is a life-long practice that sets you up for more good things to come. Regardless of what happens or how the other person responds, making your true self visible will only make you stronger, healthier and more at peace with yourself.<\/p>\n

Setting the Stage for a\u00a0Productive Conversation<\/h3>\n

1. Bring it up.<\/strong>
\n<\/strong>It\u2019s wishful thinking to hope that the other person will broach a hard topic. In some cases, he or she may not even be aware of the need. That means, like it or not, it\u2019s up to you.<\/p>\n

2. Be clear on your intention.<\/strong>
\nAre you discussing a sensitive topic to make a decision, reveal what you\u2019ve already decided, make a request, or something else? Being clear about why you are having the conversation\u2014and what you hope to get out of it\u2014will help you frame what you\u2019re about to say.<\/p>\n

3. Be mindful of your mindset.<\/strong>
\nSidestep the tendency to blame and assume you know exactly what is going on. Leave room in your frame of mind for discovery and revelation. Stay curious. Remember how much you care for the person, and envision how you\u2019d like your relationship to be after the conversation.<\/p>\n

4. Rehearse.<\/strong>
\nIt can helpful to practice your conversation by writing in a journal or talking it through with a trusted friend or therapist. This will help you become more familiar with your feelings and point of view, and help you relax before you say the hard thing.<\/p>\n

5. Set the tone: Use \u201cI\u201d messages.<\/strong>
\n\u201cYou\u201d statements tend to assign blame. For example, rather than saying, \u201cYou hurt my feelings,\u201d it is better to use an \u201cI\u201c message and say, \u201cI feel hurt.\u201c If you\u2019re afraid, say what you\u2019re afraid of at the beginning of the conversation. For instance, \u201cI\u2019m scared that you won\u2019t like me anymore or that you\u2019ll go away or that we won\u2019t be friends anymore after this conversation.\u201d Then take a deep breath and begin.<\/p>\n

Saying the hard thing is like any other exercise: every time you do it, you\u2019re building muscle\u2026and your hard work will unquestionably pay off in more meaningful relationships in the end.<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

DOWNLOAD THIS ARTICLE AND MORE AS A PDF FILE by clicking this link: Fall Newsletter 2010 There are no classes in life for beginners,\u201d wrote poet Rainer Maria Rilke. \u201cRight away you are always asked to deal with what is most difficult.\u201d Saying the hard thing can be one of the most difficult things we […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[10],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.drilonatobin.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/125"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.drilonatobin.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.drilonatobin.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.drilonatobin.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.drilonatobin.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=125"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.drilonatobin.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/125\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":131,"href":"http:\/\/www.drilonatobin.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/125\/revisions\/131"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.drilonatobin.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=125"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.drilonatobin.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=125"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.drilonatobin.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=125"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}